Unity in marriage is an important foundation for rearing children successfully. If a husband and wife do not support each other, they greatly weaken their influence with their children. However, if they are humble and strive to achieve greater unity, they can teach their children valuable lessons, both formally and informally.
If one spouse is striving honestly to live a gospel-centered life, which includes unconditional love and proper respect for agency, the marriage may not fail. However, if both honor their gospel commitments, the marriage can certainly become a celestial marriage.
In examining your role in promoting oneness in your marriage, consider the following questions:
· *Do I acknowledge myself and my companion as persons of worth and value (see Ephesians 5:2829)?
*Am I willing to see my partner as my best friend?
*Am I willing to put the interest of my marriage and partner first?
*Do I see how my selfish acts hurt my spouse?
*Do I seek spiritual guidance in resolving disagreements?
Obedience to the commandments helps us achieve oneness in marriage. When husbands and wives repent of their wrongdoings, strive to overcome their shortcomings, and seek righteousness, they can become one.
Sometimes in our desire to have an ideal marriage, we set unrealistic goals and expectations for our spouses. When they do not meet our demands, we may forget their agency and harbor resentments, becoming blind to our part in marital problems. We think that only our spouses are at fault, and we justify our feelings because of what they have done to us.
Family conflict—marked by hostility, resentment, anger, defensiveness, or criticism—is simply not of God and should be repented of. However, when people have conflicts, the counsel to repent may seem unrealistic. That is partly because we cannot feel anger and humility, resentment and compassion, defensiveness and a willingness to learn at the same time. If you are resentful toward someone, you cannot, at the same time, feel charitable toward him. If you are defensive, you cannot, at the same time, be willing to learn from someone
· To help avoid conflict and contention, ask yourself the following questions:
*Have you searched your own heart for your role in the problem?
*What is the real issue in the conflict?
*What are you willing to do to help solve the problem?
*Will obedience to some gospel law suggest solutions to the problem?
*Do you need to forgive your spouse or repent of anything yourself?
There is no magic formula that will instantly free you from current marital conflict. The only solution is living the gospel. Your own humility and obedience must be the starting point for seeing possible solutions
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